Random Mistakes

In The Picture of Dorian Gray Oscar Wilde wrote: “The reason we all like to think so well of others is that we are all afraid for ourselves.” This, like the rest of the novel, is a novel observation of human behavior. This is also why I feel mistakes in relationships are made. Looking back on a few of mine, I see the error and my fear of myself; the needed and necessary “distraction” of another person whether or not they are good for you … make you feel the way that you need to feel in order to be a healthy, contented person with a promising life with others and yourself.

And now I watch another make this mistake … but in a larger way, a way that may be permanent and inescapable. I watch this beautiful person wilt away slowly in her fear of herself … her now dissipated and slowly sinking value of herself. Watching a once-vibrant person you love turn into almost a shell, a nonperson by comparison of who she was is not only frightening and disillusioning, but also gives me an intense feeling of helplessness as I have never felt before. Fear can be the very root of troubles, palates of troubles. But there is also free will and I am a firm believer in it. I had to realize my fears and still do, have to talk it through with strangers in a room that is drafty and small and badly decorated, allowing someone to rub sandalwood on my pressure points as a cure-all to the deepness of years of psychological weirdness and battles.

And speaking of free will, there is Sartre saying these so true words that are the very roots of our fears: “Everything has been figured out, except how to live.” But we must learn how to live, living being to an extent a learned behavior. I need to be brave always and so do you, my kinswoman … be brave, be wise, run for the hills happily.

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Published in: on May 7, 2007 at 2:39 pm  Leave a Comment  

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